Help! My brain needs fixing!!

It has been a long hiatus for me! But I am back now I have been going through a wrongful dismissal case with my previous Employers and have been totally consumed by that. I started to binge eat over this fact and decided to seek out professional counseling from an eating disorder specialist. I have only been going for three weeks but feel bloody amazing! Therapy is an amazing tool, I don't know why I didn't seek out professional help for my eating disorder. I have a wonderful support system in Overeaters Anonymous but felt as if I needed more one on one guidance and it is working wonders. Since Ive been seeing my therapist I haven't binged once and its been close to three weeks, I feel so proud of myself and that's a really difficult thing for me to say.

I have also started reading a fantastic book titled "Change your brain, change your body" by Dr Amen, I haven't been able to put it down. It is absolutely amazing how binge eating affects our brain and how harder it becomes each time to stop because it is so ingrained into the old grey matter! Actually through this book I have discovered that I am an Emotional Overeater and impulsive overeater! Yup two for the price of one, what a joy! I have the frontal lobe of the brain that deals with impulse control (hello is that cake calling my name!) Did you know that cake has the same effect as cocaine on the brain! Scary huh! Also if you have focus and judgement problems. Well, hey that sounds just like me, also any deep set memories of that first gooey yummy cookie or cake when you were kid is so deep set into your pleasure receptors, that is why it becomes almost impossible to put down that triple chocolate cake. But, there is hope!

With his book it details how to reverse the damage to your brain, and it is damaged! Especially if you have experimented in hardcore drugs, but he has the reversed the effects of a severely damaged brain and just following his suggestions and steps we can have the life and the body and the healthy brain we all dreamt of. I always just thought about the body I wanted but never the brain I've always wanted! If my brain is sick I will continue to have the same results, which for me is yo yoing with my weight and binge eating. If I heal my brain the binge eating will eventually lessen and even go away all together but I have to train my brain to act and react differently around food and situations that involve food. I did touch on that subject in my book but never realized the entire ramifications of the power from your dodgy grey matter, relating to your expanding waistline!

I have started practicing suggestions in this book and am having great results, that in conjunction with the therapy is a wonderful combination, in fact that is one of the suggestions for my type of brain problem and go figure it's helping. But what I seem to gather from this book is that it takes a lot of work, it is not easy to fill in the gaps in your brain and there are some major gaps the pictures prove it! So, I know that I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I think I'm willing to finally give this thing a go once and for all. What this explains to me is why I failed so many times before and I know it's not my weak will power it's deep set behaviours that are so difficult to break. I didn't know how to break them before, but now I have the knowledge and knowledge is power my friends.

If you have any kind of eating disorder I strongly suggest you give this book a look over, it's life changing and also seek out some form of professional therapy. There are some amazing counsellor's out there :)

Long time no chit-chat

You guys probably thought I had left the Country or fell off the wagon big time, or ran off and joined a circus! Wrong on all counts I have actually been getting my poor sick computer better and still doing the same old same old! I wont be blogging about my food plan anymore I'm pretty sure you guys have the whole eat clean thing down pat. But, I will still be writing down my thoughts, whats going on in my little world and so and so on.

I have finally made the decision to seek out counseling for my food addiction, I am guilty of not seeking professional help for my food problem and I think it can only help. Because recovery is a nice balance of mental, physical and spiritual recovery, I'm pretty good with the last two, but because my problem with food is all in my head, which eventually finds it way to my thighs! I don't think I'm doing all I can to keep my recovery on a nice even keel, which would be really nice, rather than the emotional roller coaster that can sometimes be my life.

So, I will be very happy to share with you guys whatever enlightenment is thrown my way as means to a happier, healthier, saner life. I wish you all the best and hope all is good in your world.

Cougars in Canmore!

Yes you guessed it! A good friend of mine and I went to Canmore the other day and had a great time, I love that little town, sometimes more so than Banff because it's not as touristy. I had to really curb my spending as I'm not independently wealthy yet, but I'm working on it! I'm just staying in town this Easter long weekend, even when I was working I didn't like to go out of town because there is an influx of even more crazy people on the road than normal and that's bloody scary!

It's been a couple of days since my last blog which was a bit of a downer, but I have been good since, I've had a few shaky days, but more mental than anything else. I am feeling much more positive about my abstinence and am happy to be back on track. I hope you all have a great Easter weekend what ever you're doing and try not to eat too many of those yummy chocolaty things, or if you do, just work them off later somehow!

Down the hatch:-

Breakfast: 3/4 cup wholegrain cereal, 1/2 cup strawberries, 1tbs flax seed, water & cup coffee.

Lunch: wholegrain wrap with humus and fresh spinach, water.

Snack: Clean protein bar, water & cup coffee.

Dinner: Extra Lean steak, mushrooms, broccoli & salad, water & cup tea.

Activity: 50 min run (outside woohoo) 100 walking lunges.

FREE CAKE!!

Those two simple little words have had me in quite the tail spin the last couple of days! Let me explain, I was at Starbucks on Sunday in the early evening to have a quiet coffee and a read of my new book, when the very nice young lady behind the counter asked if I wanted a free cake? Now this question poised to anybody but a compulsive over eater wouldn't be that much of a big deal, but for me it is. Because I know certain foods are off limits for me and I very carefully plan my day around my meals so as very little or no surprises come my way. So when I was asked this very simple yet daunting question my head began to spin and my palms began to sweat and my heart beat stepped up a notch, I know this doesn't happen to everyone who is offered free cake, but remember I am a food addict and she just offered me my biggest fix for FREE!

Of course the rational thing would have been to politely refuse and take my coffee and go on my merry way, but noooo once I was swept up in the heady excitement of consuming something I shouldn't I couldn't think straight, so I eyed the least damaging looking baked good behind the glass container and promised to give it some one else. It sat for a whole two seconds before I totally consumed it and was soon on the lookout for even more bad stuff! And just let me tell you the last couple of days have been very rocky I haven't been totally off kilter, but I also haven't been any where near my eating plan. When I spoke to one of my fellow OA member's she said that because I was presented with something I wasn't planning for, it totally threw me of balance. I guess I'm still not at the place where can just automatically turn down foods that I know will set me off.

I don't know how many times God has to remind me that I'm an addict, I mean I know that, but I just keep falling off the food wagon again and again and again, I know the road to recovery can be a bumpy one, but how many bloody times do I have to fall over crack my head open to get it? I was watching Intervention the other day and it was an episode on an alcoholic and the interventionist was explaining to him that once he has gone through recovery he wont touch a drop of alcohol because he will come to understand the consequences of taking that first drink. That really struck a cord with me and I know all too well the consequences of taking that first bite, but on several occasions I have still done it and not given a damn about the shattering after effects of my actions.

I mean when I look back over my last seven years of this journey I have done incredibly well, I have dropped 60lbs and a shit load of inches, gotten rid of my high blood pressure and increased risk of hear disease. I have a wonderful relationship with my family friends and my higher power. I am much more at peace with myself and the world, I laugh a lot more, have written a book, travelled and just basically love life. But all this can be shadowed by one bad binge and my binges now are so far and few between it's amazing, so I should look at the good instead of the bad, because the good by far outweigh the all the bad stuff.

By the grace of God today, so far, has been a wonderful abstinent day and I will keep reaching and praying for many more to come. Thanks for listening to me whine, maybe some of you are going through this and can relate, just remember you're never alone and keep striving for what makes you happy and never forget you're worth it!

Down the hatch:-

Breakfast: wholegrain cereal, flax seed, skim milk, water and coffee.

Lunch: tuna salad and wholegrain crackers, apple and water.

Snack: Clean protein bar, water and coffee.

Dinner: Roast chicken and tossed salad, water & cup tea.

Activity: none, back on track with that tomorrow too!

wooo hooo another 3lbs down!!!!!

Yes, I was a happy little camper when I stepped on the scale and realized that I am down another 3lbs! Bloody brilliant! It was probably over a period of two weeks, so that's pretty darn good considering how close I am to my goal, only a meager 4lbs to go! I am so happy with the results, you know how hard it is to keep on track and keep going and sometimes you just wanna throw in the towel and say hand me that triple chocolate cake pretty please! I think what is making it a little more bearable for me is that I realize this is it for the rest of my life. I have chosen this food plan which I really enjoy, but I do still allow myself the occasional treat. But, it's not the same for everyone, you really have to figure out what works for you, I have to tread very carefully around my treat days.

There are certain foods that I cant have, I have one mouthful and I want a hundred more, so my treat foods aren't my binge foods. If you're a binge eater you have to figure out what your trigger foods are, basically you cant stop until you've consumed a whole bunch of whatever it is that cranks your chain! Also, a lot of my binge's are brought on by my mood, so I monitor how I am feeling if I have a sudden craving rear it's ugly head, I check in with myself and see whats going on. Because if I eat over something that's upsetting me, or depressing me I will literally eat anything and everything, I just want to stuff down whatever feelings I am having and not want to face them.

But, I learnt over the years that dealing with a situation like that is very demoralizing, because now you have the same problem hovering over you and now you also hate yourself for downing a massive amount of food. So, now you basically have two problems, the original one and the feelings of self loathing from giving into your habit. For me, this was the worst feeling, I would beat myself up something chronic, it is just so self-defeating, yet so easy to do. It is adsacly the same as when an alcoholic has that first drink after many years of abstinence, or the drug addict takes that first hit, food is my drug and I have to treat it as seriously as any other kind of substance.

But, anyhow folks, back to the happy news, yay 3lbs down! What a lovely day it was in Calgary, did you manage to get out and enjoy it? I hope so, it was a glorious sunny day, I actually met my sponsor today for coffee and we had a good old chat and catch up. And tonight my friend and I are going to see "Sherlock Holmes" with our imaginary boyfriend Robert Downey Junior, he is quite the tasty morsel!

Down the hatch:-

Breakfast: 3/4 cup wholegrain cereal, 1/2 cup strawberries, skim milk, 1tbs flax-seed, 1tbs bee-pollen, water & cup coffee.

Lunch: wholegrain bagel with low fat cream cheese, water.

Snack: slice low fat banana cake, water & cup coffee.

Dinner: Roast chicken, salad, water.

Snack: sml bag popcorn (no butter) at the theater.

Activity: 1 hour kick-boxing class.

So you folks have a bloody great weekend, remember you're worth it!

Misering and Mini Eggs!

I have been reminiscing lately about when I was my own boss and owned my own business, yes it was a lot of blood sweat and tears, but you know what I went to bed at night knowing that all that energy, effort and hard work went back in my pocket, not someone else's. If you've ever been the entrepreneurial type you understand this and if you've always wanted to be your own boss your probably wondering what is standing in your way? To really understand how the wealthy and successful think you have to study them and I know it's real hard to look at Donald Trumps ugly mug and just want to despise him! But you have to say to yourself what does he have that I'm lacking to require the missing wealth in my life (apart from really bad hair!)?

I have taken a lot of courses and seminar's on this subject and there are several factors that millionaire minds have that most people don't and that is lack of fear and their thought process. Luckily I do have both of those wonderful gifts but have somehow lost my way on the path to success and it began the day I went to work for somebody else, coincidence? I think not! This has really been bothering me lately! It really came to light when I got talking about all the stuff this young dude that I've been seeing has accomplished on his short time on this earth and I told him how much I admired him for his drive and his courage (and his flat abs, ha ha) to take the path less traveled, he is a true success!

But, why is it that you rarely come across the real successful folk? I mean most of us are busting our butts daily, rarely see our loved ones and are struggling from pay cheque to pay cheque. It really is frustrating and disturbing and if you're there too I'm sure you're feeling it. I'm really going to put maximum effort into being my own success story and I shall keep you folks informed! Thanks for listening to me rant :)

Okay, to the food, today was very good apart from a very small bag of mini eggs that found it's way to my pie hole, but It was an absolute necessity as it's that time of the month were it was either kill somebody or have some chocolate, I chose the less messier latter option!

Down the hatch:-

Breakfast: 1/2 cup granola, 1/2 cup strawberries, 1/2 cup non fat natural yogurt, water & cup coffee.

Lunch: stone ground roll with sliced cucumber and humus, water.

Snack: Clean protein bar, water & cup coffee.

Dinner: vegetarian Chili, water & cup tea.

Snack: sml bag mini eggs (yuuummm...not the best choice I know, but a much a better option than being in jail for murder!)

Activity: 90 minute walk.

So, I'm off to meditate have a good day tomorrow y'all.

A wee bit tied up!

I know that sounds kinky right? But I must apologise my attention has been otherwise diverted the last couple of days......all I shall say is that he has big brown eyes, face as cute as a button, a great personality, intelligent, a ton of fun to hang out with and oh yeah he's is almost ten years younger than me so I guess I am officially a member of the Calgary Cougar Club!!!! But that's all I shall say for now on that subject!

Soo how has my eating plan been, still good, I've back at the gym and getting outside to enjoy the glorious weather, minus today though brrrrrrr. I went to my Overeater's Anonymous group last night and it was so nice to connect with like minded people and have such an incredible support system around me. The environment you live in and the people you surround yourself with is so important when your wanting to make a lifestyle change headed to the healthier side of life.

I really like the analogy of the twelve step belief and that is, for your life to be in perfect balance you have to have an equal amount of Spiritual, Physical and Emotional well being, because when you have all these three things in order you are living life the way you are supposed to. Have you ever experienced harmony in all three areas? If you have you know what I'm talking about. I first experienced this five or six years ago and it's incredible you feel like you're constantly walking on a cloud of happiness, you have a spring in your step, peace in your heart and your life is bloody fantastic!

But, why do we find it so hard to find that perfect balance? One or two things always seem to take over, like your job, your spouse, your kids! Or all three and then you're totally out of wack! I must say since I have started meditating I have felt a lot more balanced, as my life just recently went totally off kilter! But I have been putting the effort in to get back to that lovely peaceful place I once resided in and you know what I think I'm pretty darn close to it again.

I think the main reason people get off kilter with the magic three (that's what I like to call them) is the absolute inability to put themselves first, why do we feel such guilt when we put ourselves first? I love the saying that Oprah has and it's "if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" and that is so true because if you have constantly put yourself last and having nothing to give, how on earth can you give anything good to anybody else? So if this sounds like you, really start taking the time to put time in yourself and make a list of all the things you want and all the things that make you happy. And everyday or every week or once every month take one thing from that list and bloody well do it!!!!

Down the hatch:-

Breakfast: Low fat Banana nut muffin, water and coffee.

Lunch: wholegrain bagel & light cream cheese, water and coffee.

Snack: Clean protein bar, water.

Dinner: Lean ground beef stew, water and cup tea.

Snack: hand full of unsalted nuts and dry fruit.

Activity: 35 mins Elliptical trainer, 1hour circuit training class.

Okay so please believe that you are worth spending time on, believe me it will make your life so much fuller, happier and peaceful. Take care you lot.