FREE CAKE!!

Those two simple little words have had me in quite the tail spin the last couple of days! Let me explain, I was at Starbucks on Sunday in the early evening to have a quiet coffee and a read of my new book, when the very nice young lady behind the counter asked if I wanted a free cake? Now this question poised to anybody but a compulsive over eater wouldn't be that much of a big deal, but for me it is. Because I know certain foods are off limits for me and I very carefully plan my day around my meals so as very little or no surprises come my way. So when I was asked this very simple yet daunting question my head began to spin and my palms began to sweat and my heart beat stepped up a notch, I know this doesn't happen to everyone who is offered free cake, but remember I am a food addict and she just offered me my biggest fix for FREE!

Of course the rational thing would have been to politely refuse and take my coffee and go on my merry way, but noooo once I was swept up in the heady excitement of consuming something I shouldn't I couldn't think straight, so I eyed the least damaging looking baked good behind the glass container and promised to give it some one else. It sat for a whole two seconds before I totally consumed it and was soon on the lookout for even more bad stuff! And just let me tell you the last couple of days have been very rocky I haven't been totally off kilter, but I also haven't been any where near my eating plan. When I spoke to one of my fellow OA member's she said that because I was presented with something I wasn't planning for, it totally threw me of balance. I guess I'm still not at the place where can just automatically turn down foods that I know will set me off.

I don't know how many times God has to remind me that I'm an addict, I mean I know that, but I just keep falling off the food wagon again and again and again, I know the road to recovery can be a bumpy one, but how many bloody times do I have to fall over crack my head open to get it? I was watching Intervention the other day and it was an episode on an alcoholic and the interventionist was explaining to him that once he has gone through recovery he wont touch a drop of alcohol because he will come to understand the consequences of taking that first drink. That really struck a cord with me and I know all too well the consequences of taking that first bite, but on several occasions I have still done it and not given a damn about the shattering after effects of my actions.

I mean when I look back over my last seven years of this journey I have done incredibly well, I have dropped 60lbs and a shit load of inches, gotten rid of my high blood pressure and increased risk of hear disease. I have a wonderful relationship with my family friends and my higher power. I am much more at peace with myself and the world, I laugh a lot more, have written a book, travelled and just basically love life. But all this can be shadowed by one bad binge and my binges now are so far and few between it's amazing, so I should look at the good instead of the bad, because the good by far outweigh the all the bad stuff.

By the grace of God today, so far, has been a wonderful abstinent day and I will keep reaching and praying for many more to come. Thanks for listening to me whine, maybe some of you are going through this and can relate, just remember you're never alone and keep striving for what makes you happy and never forget you're worth it!

Down the hatch:-

Breakfast: wholegrain cereal, flax seed, skim milk, water and coffee.

Lunch: tuna salad and wholegrain crackers, apple and water.

Snack: Clean protein bar, water and coffee.

Dinner: Roast chicken and tossed salad, water & cup tea.

Activity: none, back on track with that tomorrow too!